You Will Need: -Two Slices of Bread -4-5 Slices Of The Cheese of My Choice. MY Choice. Pro-Choice. Not Your Choice. AMERICAN. -Get your Nasty Hands Off Me. Don’t even look at me. Butter. Yes, I am licking the knife please do not look in my face. -Me, Who Has Had It Up To Here and can wear lipstick if she wants to, and can have sex if she wants to, everybody leave me alone. Make me a sandwich. DON’T YOU MAKE A LADY SANDWICH JOKE. I don’t want to make this. You do it for me. Misandry! I’m sorry. Love me. Get away!!!
Cooking Time: If you’re hungry, about as long as it feels to wait on a bathroom line when you really have to pee. If you enjoy cooking, however, this takes about as long as the weekend felt. Please remember, however, time is fleeting and you are dying. The weekend is gone and you will never see it again.
To Make: -Construct the sandwich. Gender is a Construct and you are a woman if you SAY you are a woman and identify as one. Stop being assholes about this. Why is everybody an asshole -Okay, well usually you just need to put the slices of cheese on the bread but this time I’m gonna add all the condiments and everything in my fridge, but placed in this sandwich. Mustard. Tomatoes. Pickles. Old, very suspicious Canned Jalapenos. This Ranch is old but I’ll keep it in the fridge in case I need it. Do you notice we’re not talking about Nutella as much anymore? Could I fit Chicken Nuggets in this? Tempeh Bacon? I want to unhinge my jaw to eat this and become a great and evil and magnificent jaw-unhinged spirit. -Heat up the stove. Put in the butter, about a tablespoon, way too soon and it doesn’t melt at all and you have to watch it. OR put it in way too late and watch it sizzle and burn into a deep black tar. In the armssss of the angelllll flyy awaaaay from here -Text - Wait for a text back. -Plop sandwich in who gives a shit -This little guy is never going to brown. It’s gonna burn and the cheese is gonna stay as cold as me when I want to avoid you on the subway. -I am done with you, Game Of Thrones -Leave me alone. I want to eat this forever. I will eat this in two bites, standing up by the stove and then when trying to put a show on but I keep sneaking bites and I can’t find anything on Netflix. -Don’t look at me. I love you. Please wash my plate.
i want to create a tv show about a group of friends where they’re all queer except the one token cishet friend who’s only there to say stereotypical “straight” things for laughs like “macklemore got me into rap” and “my mom and i got into a fight because she wouldn’t buy me a fourth obey snapback”
You’ll be better and you’ll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter or son And a real good friend And you’ll be awake, you’ll be alert You’ll be positive though it hurts And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends You’ll be a real good listener You’ll be honest, you’ll be brave You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful You’ll be happy